All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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