this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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