I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
