i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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