"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
