I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
