I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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