I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
