My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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