I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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