didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
