She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
