New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im part way to drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
