He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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