I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
