I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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