Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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