I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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