he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
