Having a random hookup so left but love u
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
