Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
