dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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