The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
