ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
