I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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