god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.