Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed