my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.