I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
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The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.