A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you