i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You dont lie about slip and slides
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body