just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?