and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
