I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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