I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
