tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
