Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
