Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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