we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
