Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
