I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
