All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize