my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.