Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus