At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.