you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
