in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.