textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.