He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
