her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
