come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
