i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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