i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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