So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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