He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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