i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
