Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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