currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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