i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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