dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
