There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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