cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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