Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
