god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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