Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
