it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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