when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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