Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
