ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We left an ass print on the piano.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
