i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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