so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
