his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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