I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
