Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
