Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
